Picked more lima beans yesterday...in the rain...by myself...while rocking out to my zune. Helped more with peeling garlics as well. Worked a little more with sign repairage. Annnd, I think that's really it, work wise. News wise, got rejected from another federal job in New Orleans. But got a message (finally) from a program I just applied to in N.O. and from the program I already phone interviewed for in Arizona (I think I may more or less be accepted to this program). Need to answer some questions and e-mail that back (great, more reliance upon slooow internet...). Major downside to that N.O. program is that it's start date is the 28th...of this month...GRAH! Here's to hoping, right? Also, a bud wants to surprise visit me while I'm here at the commune...that's caused a tad bit of stress, because the people here think it's a little sketch (hence them "ruining" the surprise and telling me). So I'll have to call him and discuss stuff.
Today's been eh so far. Helped with lunch and did more garlic peeling. I find it a little odd how much I like helping with cooking. I'm much too paranoid about poisoning people to cook on my own, but being a lackey, ain't so bad. Trying to get over a headache...umm...
Been thinking a little bit about relationships...okay, a lotta bit. I've overheard some convos about people's semi-convulted love lives...and I gotta say, I really don't want to get tied up with anyone here in that sense...I'm also a little on edge about Pepper coming to visit now too...Seems like a discussion is in order, eh? I eagerly await when I'm free from romantic thoughts. It'll allow me to focus more.
Time seems neverending here. Not sure if it's cause I feel like I'm doing nothing for about most of the time or what. I'm trying to learn how to find work, so that way I can be of some use to Pepper for when he comes to visit. The hardest parts of being here is trying to keep busy, though there's plenty to do. Just trying to find it is a toughie. Also, being more assertive here is a must. But also difficult for me. Must fall under self-esteem issues.
A discovery though- moods. I feel like I go through them all here. A little agitating...but then again, I look around and it seems like I'm not the only one. Last night I felt pretty isolated and lonely (hearing people laughing and what not in the smoke shack didn't help). I sort of wanted to go back "home". At least now I can truly recognize that my emotions are always in flux. Huh...maybe Flux should be my name? Everyone's having a hella hard time with my middle name...(tear).
-That's it for now...hope we watch more True Blood tonight
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